The way we handle conflict is the next generations new normal

Hi beautiful,

The other night, I watched my 12-year-old take a deep breath after snapping at his sister. He went quiet, he walked away, and a few minutes later came back with soft eyes and a calmer tone.

No prompting, no lecture, no “go say sorry.”

Just… self-realignment.

It stopped me in my tracks because I realised—I’ve been practicing this for myself for years, and now I’m seeing it ripple into my children.

It’s not perfect.

Sometimes there are tears and slammed doors from all of us. But what’s shifting is the normal. The normal isn’t blame, shame, or punishment. The normal is noticing. Pausing. Coming back into the body after it’s been hijacked by stress or frustration.

And when that becomes the normal, there’s less need for consequences, because the learning happens in the felt experience of coming back into regulation.

This is the beauty of living consciously, even in conflict.

As adults, most of us were conditioned to override our inner world—to keep the peace, to be “good,” to suppress what was messy. And so we carry around these two versions of ourselves: the conditioned self and the conscious self.

The conditioned self says:

- Don’t feel that.

- Don’t show that.

- Fix it, hide it, get it right.

The conscious self whispers:

- This is what’s really happening for me right now.

- This is my nervous system speaking.

- This is an opportunity to choose.

The work is noticing which self is driving the car. And in the noticing, we create space.

Space to choose words that connect instead of wound. Space to reflect before reacting. Space to step back into alignment with our values.

When my kids watch me do this—messily, imperfectly, but consistently—they learn it too. Not as a lecture, not as a theory, but as a lived experience.

And maybe that’s the real win here. Not that I’ve cracked some parenting code, but that my kids are growing up with a new normal:

- That emotions aren’t scary.

- That conflict doesn’t mean disconnection.

- That you can lose it, find your way back, and still belong.

That’s the golden shift and the inheritance I want to leave them.

Big Love

P.S. If you're looking to nurture a 'new normal' in the way you relate and communicate,  TALK TO ME  (my 30 day voice coaching space) is the perfect place to start (or continue) - jump in here!